Dedicated to my angel baby...

It is with anguish that I note this down...

On 15Jan, I saw your heartbeat and was so positive that you are going to be mine. Kor kor's gynae knew about it and says to see me in 2 weeks time. I also intended to bring kor kor to see you too. Never did I know that I would have to bid you goodbye at the same time. Mummy felt so miserable because I had to go through so many uncomfortable checks to find that little you who has barely formed. Then, it was only popo who saw how devastated mummy was on that very day.

Still trying to hang on to that last bit of hope, mummy got another gynae to make sure that we did not have to give you up. Papa knows he has to be there so he went together with mummy to hear what the gynae has to say. Hard as it may seem, we had to bear with the bad news the whole day while we were outside. Gynae Kek gave mummy 3 options too. To do the surgery, self-medicate or simply wait for you to come out by yourself. Of course, I was holding on to any possibilities I could so I waited.

In the midst of the heartpain, mummy has to go on with kor kor's big one as everyone was eagerly awaiting for his first birthday to arrive. Mummy's pain came 1 week after kor kor's birthday celebration. The water bag broke and there was uncontrollable bleeding. More than the physical pain, the emotional pain was harder to deal with. It was there and then mummy broke down for the first time in front of papa. Just when I thought you were gone from me, I had to deal with another physical pain the following day.

After 2 weeks, mummy went for a follow up with Gynae Kek and was told that you are totally gone from me. As much as it was a relief from all the waiting and hope for your sibling/s, it was still a pain that mummy can never forget. You could be mine, baby.

XD is 1 year old!

So... We hit the "1" mark! Nobody ever said it was going to be easy. Countless of battles, necessary and unnecessary were fought. Blood, sweat and tears were shed. However it was good enough that nobody has to jump off a building or hang themselves (which I believed there might be some who are on the verge of doing so). Most importantly, XD grew up fit & healthy!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO MY NAUGHTY PUSSYCAT! XD